I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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