i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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