Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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