he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
