Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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