If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize