I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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