I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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