It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
