i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
