Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
