She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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