Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
