Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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