I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
