So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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