I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
