when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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