I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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