Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
