I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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