New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
