Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
