That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
