I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
