I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
