She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
