dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
