Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
