Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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