Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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