so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
