I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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