Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
