yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
