i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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