Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize