it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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