the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
