when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize