First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize