God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
