you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
