That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
