I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
