I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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