think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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