Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
