Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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