yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
