so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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