The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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