Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
