it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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