So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize