just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
