quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
