Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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