need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
