If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
