the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
