saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
