remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
