i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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