he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
