i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
