Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
