First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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