i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
