dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
