why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
